I just read that you cannot create by trying to be different. You cannot create by trying to not be something. You just are, and you just do.

Okay Im not in the mood to write. My room is a mess and Im sleepy. I didnt even do anything today. I feel unproductive, but is there any reason to be doing something? I always feel the need to be doing something. Get things done! Do this do that. If Im on the computer, Im writing someone, so its productive, yes. I cant just sit there and play games because video games are the anti-product of productivity. Same with sitting and watching TV unless its the news, or something educational that will help me along the way. If Im just at home, if I dont talk to people, I conclude that I was not productive. I should be going out, I should be learning, seeing, doing. I should wake up early, I should go running, I should be cooking, cleaning, having people over, laughing, understanding, creating warmth. What is life without appreciating, and being appreciated? I used to think it was enough that I would give and give and give. But you learn that taking and allowing yourself to be given to is part of the joy too. And being unconscious enough about it that you let it bring you joy, instead of feeling guilty or feeling like you are an obligation.
Ok so I just totally changed topics, but all in all Im saying that right now, whatever I decide to do with my career, schooling, where I live, I just want life to be full. More than thinking about yourself, more than wanting it your way and being unhappy or critical when it isnt, its about appreciating, and trying to understand and open your heart to other people. People need to give up just that 10, no maybe even 5 percent of their own "truth" so that they can make room for other people in their lives. Unity and love. Ahh perfect for the holiday season, no?